Do You Believe in The Occult? (Read at Your Own Peril)

I am just back from meeting an Indonesian shaman who lives near the Hang Jebat Stadium. My mom, aunt and a couple of female relatives accompanied me to meet this ordinary looking guy who said he was some great and powerful witch-doctor / shaman / miracle-man.

Yes, I have a big and evil demon inside me. And they had been unsuccessful to remove him.

I do believe in the paranormal because I had witnessed two unexplained phenomena myself. But I will only tell you if you wish to know about them. I do not like to seem like a crazy person who make things up.

Back to the darkness within... I was never afraid of the dark. I like the dark and I do have my classes in poor light, to the protest of many students who wished the lights to be switched on. I was born bad and had to act my way through life to be accepted. Only my late father knew about the true me, but it was way too late, because shortly then, he passed away.

Anyway back to this shaman guy who said pretty much convincing things, saying excerps from the Holy K0ran to make his points. His home was small and stuffy, and it got worse when he smoked in that windowless hut. My aunts kept asking him various questions; mostly about remedies to so many ailments. He answered by giving the recipes most commonly found in the folks medicine tomes. I am not impressed.

Then, he asked me to cleanse myself by fasting for 3 days. Seriously no food and drinks for 3 straight days! (The usual method of fasting; no eating and drinking from sun-up to sun-down). I almost laughed in his face. It's hard and impossible for me (as I need to drink gargantuan amount of water, it's diabetes insipidus). The guy said, by fasting, I cleanse my body (which is true) and he will be able to insert himself into big wicked me (which I have serious doubts) and drive the horror away.

I studied the guy carefully... and instantly saw something that made my doubts reasonable. Moslem men cannot wear gold, as stated in the Holy Book and Sunnah. This man was wearing a golden necklace under his shirt. So I do not need to heed an order from someone who breaks a religious law. Even I, as bad as you can only imagine, never wear gold.

Tell me what you think. Have you meet these so called holy men before? 

My Mom Returns from Mecca

My mom arrived from the airport very early in the morning but decided to return to her late mother's house, some 10 km away from our home. That's my aunt's putty-hued car and my sinister coloured vehicle next to it. (All pictures taken around 6.00 pm)

Kiki on the back of my aunt's car. This is her second visit to the house, traveling inside the new pet carrier I got her. On her first visit, she actually vomited in the older carrier, and I had to bathe her twice to remove the odour.

Kiki yet again. She's so photogenic :) My late grandmother was one traditionalist-style gardener. She just let plants and flowers grow as they like. This would create a wildlife-reservation-like surrounding the old house. My mom seems to share the genes; you would not believe the chaotic plantlife we have around our house. She said it makes her feel just at  home (she means her mother's house - see pic).

See what I mean? The old house got quite a huge grassy lawn and these fruit and coconut trees around it. There used to be huge old trees when I was little, even a small rubber plantation right in front of Granny's house. But those were all gone, cleared away for the wider road construction.

And these are what my mom and brother are up to at Granny's house. My mom, bro, auntie and her husband have their very own goat pen /stable / bungalow / residence (pick your fav) behind the old house. Originally there were four nanny-goats and a huge billy-goat. All Boers, the very huge imported variety. Now there an addition of two kids @ small baby-goats, which were born when my Mom and bro were still in Mecca. My mom and bro are so proud of these smelly animals (they do all the work of getting the grass and food). I have no truck whatsoever with this project, mainly because I hate smelly places. My bro thinks goats are cute. :)

So my Mom got the usual souvenirs for all of us children. Vests, robes, head covers, praying mattreses, dates, water of Zamzam etc etc. And she got me a thing I asked of her a long long time ago - a translation of the Koran in English. Ermmm, because I rarely read in my own language these days other than for the newspapers. 

Repent, o son of mine. :)

Just glad she is back home.   

My Mom Goes To Mecca For Umrah Last Night

I drove my mom, my brother, my aunt and her son to Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA) in record time from Alor Gajah, Malacca. My mom was so excited and was adamant that we arrived at the airport early, and as a dutiful son - the command must be obeyed.

My mom told me that the flight to Dhaka (yes, she is taking the longer router, via Bangladesh, thus the cheaper ticket rates) will be boarding at 2.00 am as we entered the terminal at 10.30. She was dead wrong, the flight to Dhaka was at 6.45 am, and 2.00 am was the time agreed for the jemaah umrah to arrive at the airport! Four hours of waiting!!!! I hate waiting. Mother can be so forgetful, but I cannot be angry long with her :)Above is the picture of a Lexus displayed in the terminal. I like this car so much. So shiny.... So if anyone of you have so much money, please get me this car as a present. :) Thanking you in advance.

The stores in the terminal weren't interesting enough and the f**king bookstore (the only kind of shop I can relate to) was closed! The merchandise were for travellers and nothing attracted the little kiddies in me. Foodwise... so bloody expensive (yes cheapskate me). So I walked to McDonald's (because KFC was closed) to have something to eat.

This very embarrassing incident happened to the cashier girl at McD... As I was queuing up at the only opened counter, I was actually fuming with the marked high price of the meals. So you can imagine my thunder-black face when finally face-to-face with her, after like 20 minutes of waiting in line, plus marinating over the highway-robbery of airports.

"Welcome to McDonald's, can I have your order sir?"

"I would like a chocolate shake and two large coffee (for my mom and aunt)"

"The shake kiosk is at the front sir." The girl smiled and pointed at the said place in front.

I slowly turned around... and then turned back facing her.

"But there is nobody there you STUPID girl!" (Yes I actually said this in English)

"Ah err.... ok ok I will go there now." Her face was now ashen.

"Forget about it!" And I stormed out of the building ops, McD furiously (with style).

My other relatives started to arrive at 2.30 am. Above is the pic of my mom (with the red head cover) with her sisters and sister-in-laws.

And this adorable boy is my nephew Dzarif, my sister's second child. His older sister, Dzara was sleeping at home like a log. He seems to prefer me carrying him around than others. :) :)

My sister decided to treat us for a meal and I told her what happened in McD. She was also born sarcastic,"Oooo, let's go and see her again." So we trooped to McD and I sat deliberately in plain sight from the counter. Immediately, another girl just popped up at the dessert kiosk, which was deserted earlier. Well, I was not in the mood for chocolate shake anymore. And the cashier girl had her face down the entire period we were there. Mwa ha ha ha ha!

And this is the pic of the terminal from outside at 3.30 bloody morning. I have a cigarrette in my hand, and surprise surprise, was smoking with it. I found out long ago that after smoking, I will have trouble sleeping. So less sleepy on the drive home, get it?

My mom and brother (I forgot to mention, yes, he went with my mom) checked in at 4.00 am. After another furious racing bout, I broke my own record by 15 minutes.

Selamat Mengerjakan Umrah, Mommy!

There Are Criminals In The Family

My mom and auntie were greatly upset. They just got news that two of my wayward cousins in the capital city, Kuala Lumpur got nabbed by the police for drug addiction.

My cousins are orphans, sons of my mom's late older sister. These worldly boys refused to return to the homestate, for reasons like 'wishing to stand on own's feet' and 'taking care of late parents' scant belongings'. But as a fellow evil person, I know the reason they stayed was just to avoid being monitored by their aunts and other relatives.

So they are now in jail. And my mom said that she is not interested to bail them out, or even visit. I remembered the many times she and her younger sister rained advices to the devil duo, and of course as I would expect, those kind words were just noises in the wind for them.

Well, we can bring the horses to the river, but we cannot make them drink. Ha!