Rambling of A Bored Mind

It's the rainy season and it rained heavily everyday, not that I am complaining. I LOVE rainy days. It's cool and most people stay indoors, so the crime rate would be rather low.

I wanna go out. But I stopped myself from having too much fun on people's expense. It's hard to be a bad person who wanna be nice.

I am bored. But nothing new to stimulate me at home. And I do not watch tv, thank you very much. So I sleep all day long. Hope I don't gain weight.

Got a nightmare yesterday... of me conducting my own birthday party. And it ended up disastrous. My 31st birthday is next Thursday. So I asked my cousin to think up the details for the party. He's the better cook anyway.

I missed someone so much... so I made blueberry pancakes (from a mix) to take my mind off and stuffed myself with the crispy bits (purposely left the pancakes longer than necessary on the stove). I love the crispy bits. Pancakes at midnight, who'd think of that? 

FACEBOOK is NOT Our Friend.

Just returned back from the city where I spent RM 800 + on bills alone. I swear, the more we accumulate wealth, the more we have to spend to maintain it. *sigh* I wish I can trade my really LARGE car and ENORMOUS bungalow for smaller and function-able  versions, which should waste less money. Pay the loans.... like good government servants, we are.

Anywho (love this Australian slang) I was not about to bore you non-civil workers about the monthly ritual of feeding the loan-sharks... This afternoon, as I was about my business, I had the pleasure to meet one of my friends from the university years (that was like 9-10 years ago). She and her husband were shopping, with a couple of kids tagging along.

"Is that really you, Ramzu?"

"Erm?" (unfortunately I forgot her name, never been close to anyone made me forget names VERY easily).

"You don't really change much. You look the same as years ago!" (is this a compliment or an insult?)

After changing some pleasantries with her and her husband, we parted with me still forgetting her name. 

So... do I look like I was a 31 years old 10 years ago? Or I only look marginally older now? Facebook is a bane of life. I don't really use it, but many exes (ex-friends, ex-students, ex-lovers, ex-playmates etc) FOUND me and of course I SHOULD have the decency to add them as 'friends'. From there on, I got to have a few peeks at their lives, via photos and videos.

Time has not been kind to them - facially. They look so much older (and fatter!). Oh don't aim that SUPERFICIAL gun at me yet, people! Sometimes I am glad when people ask what skin cream I used, or where I permed my hair - because I never did use any or had my hair done (except by a barber. Saloons and barbershops are worlds away) VANITY ALERT! VANITY ALERT! People change. But I suspect, I never changed much from my younger years...

Still so bitter. So suspicious of people. So jealous of the victorious. So far from many. So cold to the touch. So.. sometimes, inhuman.

Oh well. I am an enigma even onto myself. Have a latest look at me. VANITY ALERT! VANITY ALERT!

p.s - the pic had to be altered a bit because I was not wearing a shirt. 90% of the time at home, I am shirtless. SO? Except when there's company of course.

Final Part - How I Was Kicked Out of Campus and Almost Made National News

So it has come to the final part of this tragic true story. And as my favourite author, Terry Pratchett would say "Read On."

So, this ex-friend of mine was a lost and confused soul. People shunned him, and he lost his status among peer. He was angry and he knew who engineered his fall from grace...

One evening (9.35 pm to be exact) as I was walking on the third floor of my dormitory, I spied Fezal, who was approaching from the other side. Deftly I stepped into the tv room to avoid meeting my nemesis, but I was not quickly enough. And the silence was abruptly broken.

"I saw you, you BASTARD!!! I'll KILL you!!" and many many more expletives I wont share here. 

 He charged into the tv room and I was forced to confront a literally foaming-at-the-mouth person. 

"Oh you do not wish to fight me. You'll get into deep trouble, ex-friend of mine."

"F*ck off!!! I had enough of you ruining my life and now I will bash in your face with my own hands!!!" (Yep, I had a pretty face then. Still do, ha ha ha).

I reminded him thrice about the no fighting rule, and then he attacked! His fist flew and as I sidestepped, it broke the glass window behind me. Oh well, I was no coward, to hell with the no fighting rule - and we had a really good fist fight. With proper destruction of nearby amenities (tables, chairs, more glass windows). Fezal was fighting for a lost cause and my mountainous anger for his deception propelled my fists.

Believe it or not I timed the duration of our fight (I looked at my watch before his initial attack). It was a non-stop EIGHT MINUTES of brawling. EIGHT MINUTES is a VERY LONG time if you are caught in a fight. And to make matter worse, the gawpers / bystanders / witnesses just let us slug it out without interfering! Yes, they just WATCH the whole thing without lifting a finger to stop us.

Maybe they were stunned by the first real fight they had ever seen in uni. Or they pondered how to separate two titans from tearing up each other. Oh I don't know.      

At last we were FINALLY separated by a security guard, who bodily shoved us apart. My crazed competitor was still screaming for blood, as I casually walked away to the nearby washroom to look at the toll in the mirror. 

There was BLOOD all over me!!! I panicked a bit because I never expected to lose (heh heh) but after careful inspection, it proved that the blood wasn't mine. Our stupid, enraged bull headed of an ex-friend had hurt his fist from the broken window and smeared his filthy blood upon me. And no, I had no puffy face or bruises at all. Built like a tank, I was. Really.

The same security guard came moments later, asking me to accompany him to the campus meeting room - where the Principal (yes, the head of our campus is a Principal. The Dean rules the Faculty) and many other administrators were hastily called upon from the comfort of their homes. Yes, I was so worried. Who wouldn't? I was so into the proverbial Thai-spicy HOT SOUP.

After waiting like some 15 minutes outside (cold sweating), the security guard allowed me to enter the meeting room. The Principal was there, his secretaries and many older guys and women I never knew their prominence in the university. The Principal (a rather kindly old man, a heart surgeon in fact) asked me to sit and tell them what exactly happened.

I told them what happened from the first time I met Fezal that night (9.30 pm). I never told them what made our demented friend so angry though. I also stressed that I TRIED to avoid fighting by reminding him THRICE of the rule. I was calm. I was proper. I was wonderful.

"Ha. You are so much different from the earlier boy we dragged in. He was yelling and screaming his head off, wanting to sue you and everyone in this room. And such language he used," the Principal said. The other members of the Board were stone faced.

The Principal then asked me to go outside and wait for their decision in this matter. It took them less than five minutes, maybe getting rid off troublesome graduates were so easy for them. Of that crazy guy Fezal, there was no sign of him. Maybe they took him to the nearest mental ward. I didn't care.

"This is the first recorded fight in many many years. So, it is with much sadness that we decided to expel both of you from this university." I had expected this decision. And I had something to say that would make them think SEVERAL times and regretting it.

"Oh REALLY? (smiling) Then, tomorrow I'll go to some news agency and tell them what happened tonight. I will also tell them what REALLY happened to my friend, who was guided astray by one of you. And you all know WHO and WHAT I mean. Do not think that I will just roll up and die. I will drag this university down." I didn't scream. I just say it clearly. Determined and very angry.

The WHOLE Board turned their collective eyes to one person who sat on the furthest right. They knew WHO and WHAT I mentioned about (read previous entry for info). The fellow warden (a sissy doctor I will not say the name here) was now like a cat upon a tin roof. He was watching me with pure hate earlier, from the moment I stepped in. EVERYBODY knew what they did. I was THAT good.     

My reply caused a stir. 

"You really wanted to do that?" the undersecretary asked, his face a worried tableau (I hated him, pompous little man).

"Yes. I have nothing to lose anyway. You want to kick me out. I just want to point to the whole country that even in a respected establishment like this, there are still maggots and irresponsible people." (meaning him, the secretary, the lazy bum). No time to be subtle. My future was at stake.

They asked me to step out for the SECOND time.

And then they told me that me and Fezal cannot continue to stay at campus, but we are ALLOWED to continue our study. Meaning, I have to stay outside during my final year.

Damn. At least I negotiated past my own academic destruction.

So I stayed with my aunt, some 20 km away from the faculty, going to classes by train and bus. Our anti-hero Fezal led a more interesting life. His lover, the warden doctor rented an apartment and they lived together. The doctor was asked to leave the campus too, being a bloody embarrassment to the university. But after a few months of living together, he ditched my ex-friend.

The last time I heard of Fezal a long time ago, he was on depressant medications. His life in shambles. 

And he was the only one who didn't graduate in our class.

The end. :) Hell, yeah. This IS A TRUE STORY.

p.s. - my parents never knew about this. I just told them the dormitories were full and I had to live outside.

1st part - How I Was Kicked Out From Campus And Almost Made National News

Only a few people in Malaysia (or the world) are aware of this, so this is really fun to tell :) Once upon a time when I attended the university I had a best friend named Fezal (not real name). We were close since our freshmen year and soon after became best friends. I told him everything, and vice versa. Some of the secrets I told him were VERY sensitive and can make a lot of people angry (I was born evil. So what? I was not interested in small bits idea).

One evening, some guys from a different course came up to me and we had a fistfight. Yep, THREE guys barged into my room and attacked me! Oh I didn't came up with much as a scratch because I was built like a tank back then (I pumped iron in my free time). They fled when they couldn't do a lot to hurt me (skinny kids they were). But the incidence made me so angry and worried.

Somebody leaked out a terrible secret (regarding those three).

Of course my best friend was the LAST person I expected to be the traitor. I realized this error when another friend pointed that Fezal couldn't be such an angel and he liked to TALK a lot (mostly to impress the girls). I confronted my so-called BFF and he was quiet when I accused him for being a snitch. He admitted being so with his silence. And his world and mine had collided in a very messy way right after that moment...

And he never apologized... so sure that I couldn't do a thing to harm him.

NERVE WAR. I could not hurt that SOB physically so I psycho-ed him. (The three guys I had a slug fest with had good reason to do so). I also have my ex-BFF dark secrets so I decided to SHARE the delicious ones with EVERYBODY. I was relentless, I poisoned everyone's heart against this particular enemy. And I was winning... (Some of his secrets were so dark I cannot put them here. Children might read this entry, ok?).

And our poor Fezal began to feel the pressure. Students pointed at him and talked behind his back. He started to come late to lectures and sat at the back, because there was I wreathed by my ADMIRERS at the front, giving the latest juicy news about one particular person. Silvertongue, me. I was exceedingly bitter with the betrayal and I returned the favour a hundred fold. 

I was evil, and I liked it.

Fezal began to miss class frequently and his friends had all drifted away.... People avoided him like the plague!  His only companion was a fellow warden who had a shine on him. OH OKAY!!! I will tell you one of his darkest secrets! My ex-best friend had a sexual relationship with the said warden and they were living together. Happy now?

In the second (and final) part, I will tell you what happened to that poor unfortunate soul (snigger...) and how I was told to leave the campus. But if you are not interested, it's ok.   

Get A Backbone!! Aren't We Vertebrates?!!

I just had the unfortunate luck to accidentally watch a few minutes of local drama on the tv this evening. There was this scene when a freshman was viciously bullied by a couple of senior students. No body contact, just a lot of abusive and degrading word exchange. The bullied boy just cringed and made pitiful faces at his tormentors.

I just had to shout this aloud (in front of my mom, who loves that muck of a programme) "SPINELESS FOOL!!!"

I remembered my first year in the university. We also had a tough orientation, but as a surprisingly 'different-minded' individual, those senior buffoons just gave me a wide berth. Nope, I wasn't so highly brilliant they were afraid to mock, I was just, oh you can say, very hard to intimidate.

Once in a late evening, the seniors called all freshmen to attend a meeting in the common room. It ended up being a waste of sleeping time, the bloody fools just wanted an audience for them to talk and ramble about non-specific things. And I had my fill, stood up and just left the place, returned back to my room and sleep. My idiot peers stayed and endured the torture until 4.00 in the morning.

The next day, a few seniors confronted me in the cafeteria, asking why I left so early. I just look at their faces and then made sweeping glances to their feet and back to the faces. Thrice. I said I was not that stupid to receive advice from average students. I am my own man. I do not need your help.

One of them tried to lunge at me. I just smiled and told him that I am aware that the campus had no fighting cases reported for a very very long time. He would do well to remember that, and I added a proverb in Malay (translated); "Before kicking a dog, look out for its master". (Meaning, before harming someone, you must be aware of his parents / guardians).  

I was left well alone after that. Infamous. Some of my friends said I was a fool to shun help from the seniors as they can provide notes of coming lectures and exams. I had help from the seniors all right, without them knowing. I befriended the Chinese students instead (they never bully each other) and got tonnes of notes from my new best friends. Que sera sera.

My university years were indeed colourful. Next time I might tell you people how I got kicked out of campus and almost made national news! :)  

The Few Days Before the Hols

Very hectic these few days I just don't believe myself to work SO authentically busy! (Because most of the time, I'd just let everything burn and just slip away to have fun elsewhere). This must be a very bad dream.

Anyway, I finished most of the paperworks (am very good with last minute 'creative' work. Creative meaning, spin finished workloads out of thin air. Fiction, geddit?). Filing is a chore, and I never seem to get a grip on it though it is always in my New Year's resolution. Oh OK, 'Get a grip on the filing system in Year 2010'.

Entertaining the receding number of students is not really difficult as the bad seeds are already gone, celebrating early school holiday. I just let them do whatever they want - play board games, read comics / books, talk etc. I just need to stand, walk and knuckle a few heads if they got rowdy or too noisy.  

Oh, and somebody told everybody that I will become the new Prefect teacher next year. At last, the time of the Sith has come, my apprentice.... Ops, wrong script!!

They will not know what will hit them next year. (Evil grin, pause, and then evil laugh. With 'Imperial March' as the soundtrack).

Shape Your Own Future 'Cause I Don't Even Care

Sometimes, all these years, I encountered a few students I just hate to see in class. These are the students who ALWAYS refuse to do what they are told. Students who dressed not according to school regulation. Students with high opinion of themselves (a.k.a. deluded). And the bane of them all - STUPID AND RUDE. (I can tolerate stupid students, but the combination of these qualities always make my hands itch to rip their hearts out).

So whenever I teach, I will always refuse to have eye contact with these sub-humans. Oh bo hoo hoo, you had a tough life at home and you came from a broken family... But that does not give you the right to make people's life difficult. There is no reason for you to bother other students who are really interested to learn. You ignored every piece of advice and you expect me to respect you?! Which confused universe you came from that provides special help to a thankless piece-of-turd like you?

I am writing this, a voice of a million teachers / educators around the planet who had the pleasure to meet such individuals.

I shall never pray for your success. I don't even want your thanks. I have the other 98-99% students who really need my help. I am human after all.

And for those who think that this is a very unprofessional entry by a teacher, please give me some advice to deal with these unsavory youngsters (who would never listen to you, and also treated you like dirt).

p.s. - very bad day with bad bad bad students. And yes people, I met many teachers in the psychiatric ward when I was posted there in 2000. People can end up mad if the anger was bottled up. Beware my fellow teachers, beware. 

Guess What Would I Do.

This is a real situation which happen less than 20 minutes ago...

I was returning back from visiting my cousin at his house in the country. The road to his village was winding and very narrow, only enough for one car to drive on.

So, as I was driving back from his house, my (very big) car encountered another car driving on the opposite way at a very sharp bend on that very narrow road. This car's owner, a gentleman I supposed, reversed his vehicle to a wider path behind him so I could drive past.

"Crack!" his rear bumper hit a concrete fence and broke one of the posts. What do you think I did?

A.  Drive past him quickly. "Sayonara sucker!"

B.  Stop and discuss with him how to pay the damage (of his rear bumper).

C.  Smile apologetic at his loss and slowly drive away.

D. Giggle, laugh and point at the poor bugger (and the broken post).

E.  Phone my cousin to settle the problem.

Now predict what really happened next. People who know me should guess correctly my proper way of conduct in this situation.  

Rest In Peace Rosy

Rosy during a molt a few months ago

My female Chilean Rose Tarantula died yesterday. She was in the middle of a molt, and I do not know what went wrong, but she never finished emerging from her old carapace. :`(

A tarantula spider is a great pet. It never made any noise, and never ask for your attention. You can forget to feed it for almost a month and it still lives (we hope). It prefers to be left alone in her box / container / terrarium etc. Bloody difficult and expensive to get one...

I shall miss you Rosy, you were a wonderful pet (and show piece). And I will not get another arachnid to replace you. :(  [I'll get a snake instead]

p.s. - I took Rosy's body and unceremoniously tossed it into my mom's fish pond in front of the house. The huge catfishs fought each other just to take a bite.    

My Second Run As MC

This is rather stale news. I was the MC for the school's end of the year dinner last Monday. 

They wanted the ceremony to be 'a bit informal'.

I did my research on the proper text, wrote my own script by referring to some fantastic materials I found on the net. Fitted in some golden pantoems and traditional poems for taste.

I was defying the order. I try to be as formal as I can.

During the ceremony, with my almost chocolaty voice, I performed rather well (this is not simply self appreciation, ok? I have a few listeners who said I did great). Even though there were a few disruptions, the dinner was a success. Everybody was happy and got presents each.

But no..... some people are never satisfied in peaceful times. SOMEBODY must tell people behind me that I wasn't following the exact protocol. That SOMEBODY had never got the nerve to tell it to my face. 

That particular SOMEBODY rejected to be MC in the first place, and when the job was thrusted upon me,  I just say, "ok". So you can imagine how disgusted I was with that bitch's nerve.

I did well by preparing the text formal-style, if I followed the feather-brained bitch to be informal, I'd end up being a laughing stock.

p.s. - I just said "I don't care what you think and next year she can MC" loudly so that particular someone can hear in school.

The Future Is In Your Own Hands

Tomorrow is the end of the exam week... and then we have another two weeks before the school holidays (Yippeee!)

I didn't like exams when I was a student. But I NEVER sleep in any like this student of mine did. He started sleeping on the first 25 minutes of the Mathematics paper. 

Do not judge me harshly by saying I was an irresponsible teacher for allowing students to sleep during exam. I DID warn him not to. Twice.

So what if he ignores me (the student is rather impolite and have a high opinion of himself), he is not my son anyway. As a teacher, IT IS my job pointing to the right path. But if some individuals are so keen to destroy their own future, I just let them be.

Youngsters nowadays are so stuck up with themselves. Some think fate will rearrange itself to accommodate them. I'd LOVE to see when that happen...

Betta Wars!! - You Ask For It Tenchi!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eat your heart out and look at my bi-colour metallic betta, Tenchi.

Special effects? Nope. The fish is in pristine freshwater, in a very 'zen'-like environment.

Somebody gave me this aquarium. I am definitely happy with it because it looks so classy.

This entry was prompted by Mr Tenchi who said through text-message to look at his new betta. I hope he cries tears of blood looking at the above pictures... :B

People Are So Tardy!!!

I am rarely late - and that is one of my very few sterling qualities. I'd scream, shout and even threatened people if they got in my way to an appointment. (My mom and sisters, unfortunately are always treated such, because they took s much time to prepare for a journey, when I am the appointed driver).

Once upon a time, I would be in place 15 minutes, nay, sometimes half an hour early to any engagement. Be it meeting friends, a movie show or just a shopping expedition; if Mr Shadow asked you to be there at 4.00 o'clock, you'd better be there on time (even admirably, earlier) or your status in his eyes will be knocked several pegs downwards. I lost MANY friends like this. So what? A friend who treated someone else's time like trash (and got the gall not apologizing when late) is not a good friend anyway.

But now.... *sigh* I am not that stupid to be SO EARLY, because 90%, I'd end up looking like a fool waiting for latecomers. What happened to punctuality? Like the many meetings in my school, when the appointed time to begin is 2.15 pm, people are still streaming in even after 20 minutes. If the teachers cannot arrive on time, what will happen to the students under them? What's the use of the watches on your wrists? I'd say, take it off and throw it into the nearby drain.

It ate me inside, when my students are late to class at the laboratory. From behind the tinted glass, I saw them moving slowly, joking and playing, deliberately wasting my time (and the government's who paid my salary). I always wonder vehemently; What the FUCK is wrong with youngsters today? They are so unbelievably dense, I told them so many times to be on time, so many times to clean up their class, so many times to behave, so many times, gosh, the list can go on and on.

I was young once, but I was not THAT ignorant. I listened to my betters @ teachers.

Anyway, this entry is not about the extreme stupidity of today's youths. If there is a hell for tardy people, I hope it contains swinging sharp pendulums (to slash people underneath) , huge cogs (to crush appendages with) and sharp watch hands (to poke people's eyes).

p.s. - I am SO punctual I bought many watches (now 13) for my personal use. One day, I'll buy that grandfather clock. Pendulums are so cool!

Poem 3

Missing you already

Though we just said goodbye

To each other

On a wet Sunday afternoon

How I wish you are here

Sharing the times

In each others arms

A lover's embrace

Heaven is your smile

Adoration in your eyes

I hope to capture that moment

Till the end of time

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Rose buds are cute

And so are you...

"God Save The King!!"