The Legendary Bean

I was browsing through some websites and found a video I've never seen of actor Rowan Atkinson, more famously known as Mr Bean. I love this guy, he's a comic genius - and British too :)

In this video he performed all by himself for a huge audience. His timing with the invisible drums was phenomenal. :P

                     

Get A Backbone!! Aren't We Vertebrates?!!

I just had the unfortunate luck to accidentally watch a few minutes of local drama on the tv this evening. There was this scene when a freshman was viciously bullied by a couple of senior students. No body contact, just a lot of abusive and degrading word exchange. The bullied boy just cringed and made pitiful faces at his tormentors.

I just had to shout this aloud (in front of my mom, who loves that muck of a programme) "SPINELESS FOOL!!!"

I remembered my first year in the university. We also had a tough orientation, but as a surprisingly 'different-minded' individual, those senior buffoons just gave me a wide berth. Nope, I wasn't so highly brilliant they were afraid to mock, I was just, oh you can say, very hard to intimidate.

Once in a late evening, the seniors called all freshmen to attend a meeting in the common room. It ended up being a waste of sleeping time, the bloody fools just wanted an audience for them to talk and ramble about non-specific things. And I had my fill, stood up and just left the place, returned back to my room and sleep. My idiot peers stayed and endured the torture until 4.00 in the morning.

The next day, a few seniors confronted me in the cafeteria, asking why I left so early. I just look at their faces and then made sweeping glances to their feet and back to the faces. Thrice. I said I was not that stupid to receive advice from average students. I am my own man. I do not need your help.

One of them tried to lunge at me. I just smiled and told him that I am aware that the campus had no fighting cases reported for a very very long time. He would do well to remember that, and I added a proverb in Malay (translated); "Before kicking a dog, look out for its master". (Meaning, before harming someone, you must be aware of his parents / guardians).  

I was left well alone after that. Infamous. Some of my friends said I was a fool to shun help from the seniors as they can provide notes of coming lectures and exams. I had help from the seniors all right, without them knowing. I befriended the Chinese students instead (they never bully each other) and got tonnes of notes from my new best friends. Que sera sera.

My university years were indeed colourful. Next time I might tell you people how I got kicked out of campus and almost made national news! :)  

Guess What Would I Do.

This is a real situation which happen less than 20 minutes ago...

I was returning back from visiting my cousin at his house in the country. The road to his village was winding and very narrow, only enough for one car to drive on.

So, as I was driving back from his house, my (very big) car encountered another car driving on the opposite way at a very sharp bend on that very narrow road. This car's owner, a gentleman I supposed, reversed his vehicle to a wider path behind him so I could drive past.

"Crack!" his rear bumper hit a concrete fence and broke one of the posts. What do you think I did?

A.  Drive past him quickly. "Sayonara sucker!"

B.  Stop and discuss with him how to pay the damage (of his rear bumper).

C.  Smile apologetic at his loss and slowly drive away.

D. Giggle, laugh and point at the poor bugger (and the broken post).

E.  Phone my cousin to settle the problem.

Now predict what really happened next. People who know me should guess correctly my proper way of conduct in this situation.  

Murder On the 3rd Day of Aidilfitri

My brother (left) and uncle. Notice his dexterity with that very sharp axe as he cut up the evidence of the dastardly deed!!

Head of the poor goat used in the terrible bloody pagan ceremony!!

The Mastermind : My own mother, she's a mafia boss at her best.

The Assassins : My youngest brother (codename Kopet) and uncle.

The Victim : Molly

The Grevious Party : My middle brother (codename Bobo).

The Cheer Squad : The rest of the family, extensions included.

Molly was my brother's nanny goat, one of the huge Jamnapari type, which can weight around 90 to 120 kg. This particular she goat was being a bad mother by not letting her two kids suckling her. By refusing to do so, her udder and stomach became bloated. Molly was already on her way to the Big Paddock in the sky.

So this afternoon, my mother woke her youngest son and told him to sharpen some machetes. "Go and find your uncle. We are going to slaughter that goat." So Kopet drove to the home-village (where the goats are) and we (my mom and me) arrived there an hour later.

The goat was already slaughtered (see the head) and Kopet and my uncle were busy chopping out the meat and bones outside the kampung house. My other brother, Bobo was clearly sulking nearby and Kopet mentioned many times that Bobo cried twice after the goat was killed. He loves his goats that well. (As for me, I feel nothing. Goats are huge and smelly creatures).

So my mum and aunt busied themselves with the crockery and pots. The bones were boiled into soup and the mutton cooked 'masak lemak kuning'. Two of my favourite dishes.

The verdict; The yummiest dish ever! We should kill... er... get more mutton each year.

P.S - This is one QUIET Raya for me. But I like it that way.

Auto Karmic Experience

I love my car, I really do. It is big, dark and has taken me far and wide all these 3 years.

But I don't treat it as good as it deserve.

Yesterday afternoon I promised the car to have it serviced, but I forgot. And last night I went out with a friend with HIS car, leaving my worthy vehicle at home (which I rarely do).

And this morning, as I was about to leave the petrol station near home for work, my car stalled. I didn't scream, not even panic. Because in the gloom of the morning, I can FEEL my car's smug aura. "Take that you evil driver, you!"

So now I am at home, typing this, while waiting for the workshop to open at 10.00 am. (Maybe I'll take an off-day.)

Treat your machines right. You might never know when they can fail you.

UPDATE :

It cost me RM 280 for a f*cking maintenance-free battery, RM 68 for the bloody lubricant, RM 25 for a stupid oil filter and arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I need to lie down a bit.

Of Exams and the Easiest Job On the Planet

Exam week is finally around the corner for the rest of the students. Above is of the trial PMR exam for Form 3 (15 years old) which was held last week. I didn't teach these students but I took some pictures anyway for the school records (and mine too).

I rarely revise for any exams when I was a student. Yes, I was sloppy and lazy. You can say I might not even care if I passed or not. But for some fantastic luck, I didn't do that badly after all.

I teach Science to Form 2 students and Physics for Form 4 and 5. I just love teaching Science because I know I am bloody good at it. But teaching Physics to students with average intelligence is an uphill battle. I cannot be hard on them or they'll lose interest. Too much play and nothing gets into those thick skulls.

Before this, I wrote an entry about being a teacher is not the easiest job. But hey, during exam weeks, it should be. No extra classes, no co-curriculum activities and of course, no teaching. We just sit and monitor the students taking the exam. But usually I take up a good book and read the while away while some students cheat and copy right under my nose.

Well, at least they made an effort not to fail, right? The purpose justify the method, no matter how crooked. But I hope they'll learn soon enough that in REAL exams, harsh and deliberate actions will be taken if they are caught.

I warned them. Thrice.

p.s. - for your info, I DID copy during my SPM exam in 1995 and was never caught. It was during Physics... Now I am doomed to teach the subject for all eternity. Ironic.

Of Facemasks and Poor Innocent Pigs

I should've touched this topic a long time ago.... but you know what? YOU guys made me do this. NONE of you (at least that I am aware of) had touched about the H1N1 devastation in your blogs. So as a morbid explorer of things not-very-nice, here we go again...

Months ago when the first outbreak of the virus in Mexico, the rest of the world was in total indifference, including truly yours. "Oh, it is so far away. Good luck for you Mexicans and serve you right for eating pork."

And now, H1N1 has came knocking on the front door, with a few fatalities so very near to my workplace!! The horror! The dread! The revulsion! (not)

And as usual, during a crisis, some people are so quick to make a few extra bucks. The price of facemasks sky-rockets to 500%. I say this is one of the evil in capitalism. I never wear a facemask myself, because (*snigger*) it make people look like invading amateur ninjas. And I loaded up myself with vitamins and garlic to avoid getting sick. And successfull for now at least.

The new urban legend; You eat pork, you get the virus. Even if it starts with the pigs, the H1N1 virus does not widely spread with our porchine friends. People spread the virus - I taught all my students, so don't blame the pigs. People got into aeroplanes and buses and irresponsibly sneezed / coughed in public, spreading the virus at an alarming rate. So imagine the travel plans for the virus, from Mexico to your very own neighbourhood... It's very global minded :)

And why oh why when I see people from abroad in tv, most are still not wearing facemasks? Are Caucasians (excuse me if I am wrong) immune to the said virus? This I-don't-care-attitude is the main ingredient for the world wide spread.

And come to think of it, the spread of the virus reminds me of the RESIDENT EVIL series (in films and games) where people turns to zombies by a virus. It's Umbrella Corporation fault again :)

p.s. - and this pic is of some female teachers in school wearing masks. They are not going to thank me doing this, but hell, they never monitor my blog anyway. :)

Watched, Reading and Walked with Harry

Yes, I watched "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" three days ago with eight friends (wow! Does he have that many friends or he made it all up?) and it was an OK film. My friends REALLY hated me when I told them that Dumbledore was going to die some 15 minutes before his actual death in the film. I've read the entire series and was comparing my notes to the unfolding cinematography on the silverscreen.

Read the books first before watching the films. It helps to answer a lot of questions afterwards.

And now (yes, this very moment) I am at page 262 of the last book "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". The movie will only be shown next year or later but I need to polish my memory of these extraordinary books first. And I usually enjoy reading my fav books more than twice, and this IS my second go at the particular series. Very moody, dark and full of negative vibes. J.K. Rowling did good by ending the series.

Even I would be sick of Harry Potter, the extended series (if she decided to rake in more money).

On a lighter note, I had a friend who is the splitting image of Daniel Radcliffe when I was in secondary school (this is WAY before Harry Potter ever existed). He was fair, dark haired and wore specs too. [Will not put his name here for security sake].

The last time I met him when we were walking around KLCC (2002), looking for my Terry Pratchett's books. He was TRAFFIC-STOPPINGLY good looking. People actually paused whatever they were doing when he walked past. THAT good looking. As for me, I felt like mud dragging underneath his feet (did not wish to feel like that ever again).

I told him afterwards that I would never go out with him anymore. He said why not. He's a nice person but I don't like to be overshadowed, no, eclipsed by someone that badly (It's a Darklord trait).

The last I heard of him, he was expelled from the overseas university he attended - for being involved in various free-sex relationships and negligence in study.

:) Well, go figure.

An Outing with My Pet - Ferret Hilton a.k.a. Kaos

I am just back from the night market, with a couple of friends and my ferret. We left Kaos alone in the car as I bought 1.5 kg of gizzard (my fav part of the chicken after the heart) and my friends got some tasty food and drinks for our supper.

We took the foodstuf to a nearby recreational area, spread the food on a bench and took my ferret out from the car for him to roam (on a leash). And as his previous owner told me a long long time ago, a ferret is a chick / kid magnet. Boy, he was right.

Twenty one young boys and six girls touched my ferret tonight. Several more just watched from afar, either too scared or their parents wouldn't allow them to come nearer. And people do ask what animal was it. All of them never heard of a ferret, or its closest domestic cousin, the civet. I predicted that there are only four ferrets in this state. You see, ferrets are VERY costly here. Though they are exteremely cute and lovable, ferrets are not for beginners.

They need a lot of attention. Eat high quality cat food (expensive). Only a very huge cage is suitable. Two or three hours of playtime daily. Etc. A ferret is not a cat or a small dog. Our local vet admitted that he never held one before (so I NEED to pray my Kaos is always healthy).

Cons aside... this little mammal is the BEST pet I ever invested in. He's funny and cuddly, very active and curious. As I talked to my friends, Kaos never tire of sniffing around, padding towards children who were so fascinated with him. He might feel like Paris Hilton, amongst the paparazzi. Ha ha ha ha ha.

This is a very joyful evening for me and Kaos. The only thing that marred my happy feeling was when my friends telling me about a woman and her boyfriend who were walking behind me while I was playing with my ferret. She was the only person among many who made a disgusted face, complete with the "Eeeewww! Eeeewww!" soundtrack. My friends knew if I saw her, I'd spit fire and poison to the ignorant bitch and her poor excuse of a lover, so they kept quiet as the couple walked past behind me. They were right, I'd chase the stupid duo around town if I have to.

Anyway, here's a pic of me and Kaos before we return back. It's good to gloat once in a while, non?

I Rarely Loiter Around

Yes, I am someone who don't do crowd browsing and sitting in a cafe and waste the time away. Whenever I go out alone or with friends, I would go to the places I wanted to go, do my things and then go back home straightaway. 

E.g Go buy movie tickets --> Go to book stores to look for interesting books --> Have lunch while waiting for movie --> Do a bit of window shopping --> Watch movie --> Go home.

But this afternoon was different, for the first time in my life, I SERIALLY (is this correct?) loitered around. Yes, continous loitering in several places, doing nothing but drink and look at people. And I found out that is is great fun with good company. :)

We went to the beach and do nothing but look at people and things for a couple of hours. Then to the bus station and inside an A&W outlet, (root beer paid by friends) for another session of crowd browsing. Then to another mall and another fast food outlet, Mary Brown which had swings for sitting places (I REALLY love swings) and stayed there longer, sipping bad tasting carbonated drinks. 

The three of us talked and made jokes so loudly, yet I didn't care. My big fat friend and I were accomplished imitators of people and we amused our third friend with our antics. I took a picture of  my big friend, who took my silver bangle and put it on his ears for a joke. I told him I'd put his picture in the net and he had to pay me a million dollars to get it off.

Ha ha ha! I think I wanna loiter some more this week.

The Adventures of Kiki and Kaos 2

"Oi Boss! Me cannot get to pummel Kiki with teh leash on-lah" Kaos tugging the leash in futile.

"Why you want to beat her up? She did nothing bad to you," I answered sleepily, it was a rather hot afternoon.

"Stay away from me, you smelly and impolite animal!" hissed Kiki from under the sofa.

"Oi Boss! There she do again. She say me smelly and impolite."

"But you ARE smelly and impolite."

There was a chuckle from under the sofa.

"You hurt my feeling Boss," Kaos laid flat on the carpet, pedalling his body with his hind legs.

"Oh just grow up already you two. And Kiki, you don't smell like a bouquet of roses either."

"That was uncalled for," sniffed the cat from under the sofa.  

Of Communism and Hans Christian Andersen

I was reading the newspaper this morning (Ok ok, I am STILL avoiding tv news) - "Govt Will Not Allow Chin Peng To Return." He is the former Communist Party of Malaya leader, and was considered a great threat to the country during the Emergency 1948 - 1981. Mr ex-Communist was deported out of Malaysia several years ago and now some idiot of a politician is trying to bring him back because "he no longer posed a threat and as such the government should consider allowing him to return on humanitarian grounds".

I call that a tasteless sort of joke. This man and his minions had killed so many people during their insurgence, terrorized the country and that successfully put himself into the darkest annals of Malaysian history. Why suddenly you want to come back after the long exile? Feeling old and suddenly missing the Motherland? Go and bite the dust Chin Peng!

Personally, communism IS NOT really a bad idea from what I have read (before and now). 

"Communism in the Marxian (1848) sense refers to a classless, stateless and oppression-free society where decisions on what to produce and what policies to pursue are made democratically, allowing every member of society to participate in the decision-making process in both the political and economic spheres of life." - Wikipedia   [See what I mean?]

UNFORTUNATELY, people drifted from this pure ideology of communism, and only a select few dictates the fate of the majority, which is very very bad decision. Hurm, I will not pursue this topic further or some might get the idea that I am supporting communism in this fair country.

Anyway, I finished reading a fairy tales book by Christian Anderson (the unabridged edition). Long ago I read about the Brothers Grimm, they collected folk tales from the German people and compiled them in a book. Most of the stories are not suitable for younger children - all about blood, death, deceit and evil plots. My fav author also mentioned in one of his books that fairy tales were indeed about 'blood (violence) and sex'. This is VERY true. So please slap yourself in the face and read the original fairy tales, not the short and revised versions for children under 5.

When a hero fell in love with a beautiful girl he met somewhere in the woods - Isn't that about lust-at-first-sight @ sex? How can a mermaid have sex with a young and handsome prince? So the slut had her fishtail exchanged with a pair of legs (sounds like a very bad joke). The SCANDAL! All because of so called-love (not)!

We have read the many abuse Cinderella ('Ashputtel' in original German) endured because she was meek and timid - violence. How about Jack who felled the beanstalk, the bloody thief who just added murder (of the poor giant) and environment destruction (the beanstalk) to his credo? Jack is a TERRORIST, people!!

Don't tell me you enjoyed reading about his adventures (in the land above the clouds, via magic beanstalk) and actually thought of his theft of the golden harp and the hen that laid golden eggs as righteous!! PLEASE feel sorry for the big and ugly giant who fell to his death because of this evil and VIOLENT kid. Big and ugly does not mean you are evil. *snif*

I hope this short entry can open up your mind to the truths about fairytales.    

p.s.

- I pity Sauron from 'Lord of the Rings', he had waited hundreds of years for his ring, which was stolen-by-force from him. Tch tch tch. And you wonder why I want the Shire to burn? :) Oh and I hope I am not offending anyone with this post. Just trying a new spectrum of writing here.

                                                          The horny little bi**h of the sea.

Adventures of Kiki and Kaos 1

"Oi Boss. How come you got me in this harness and not teh durn cat?" my ferret Pandemonium @ Pandy asked me while I was busy electrocuting myself on the couch (for health sake). "Do you love her more than me, ah?!"

"Nope."

"Then why?" jinggling his bell on the harness by jumping up and down.

"Because I am not a destructive animal like you, and plus, I am litter trained," murmured Kiki from under a couch.

"Oi it's only a bit of poo! Not like teh Boss cannot clean up after me, eh? And have you thunk me a new name yet? You promised me you know," those cute ferretty eyes boring into mine.

"How about Kaos? The original Fifth Horsemen. He left before they became famous and got the Apocalypse gig. Very few people knew about this."

"Wow. Me like teh name very much. Oi Kiki, now you call me Kaos, ok?" the ferret-formerly-known-as-Pandemonium addressed the couch.

"Whateveeeeer."

My ferret Kaos being curious all over my stuff. He is a blur!

The 2nd Night at The Museum and The Things that Can Make You Puke

How nice it is to be a popular teacher... Erm yesterday a couple of last year students asked me out on a movie-and-dinner-date (ok ok, both are boys) to celebrate the belated Teacher's Day (I still have a few presents on my desk from slow-coaches). We went to watch 'Night at The Museum 2'.

I wanted to watch 'Aliens Vs Monsters' at first but the show was only at midnight and as an (grudgingly) understanding person, I settled for second best - Museum. (I watched X-Men, Star Trek, Push, and Angels & Demons already).

Let's see... the movie was ok. Bigger than ever, with new casts and more action. It would draw chuckles and grins but never out-loud laughs. I fondly remembers the banter between Kahmunrah (Hank Azaria) and Ben Stiller regarding hostage exchange - its a classic playground quarrel. :) And what's so terrible about Ivan? He said he was actually Ivan the 'Awesome'. Mwa ha ha ha!

But really. They can do even better than this. I'm not rushing to buy a dvd of this, meaning it's not a memorable movie to share with my grandchildren. Ha!

Anyway after the movie we went to the Chicken Rice Shop for dinner. It was rather cute to see my students excusing themself 'to do something' before entering the eatery. I knew they wanted to go to the ATM and furiously culculating the cost after looking at the menu. *Evil grin*

So we had our dinner with me GRACIOUSLY not ordering extravagantly, even though I obviously not going to pay for anything. And here it comes lads...

I found a very long strand of hair in my fav dish - kailan in oyster sauce. We sent it back for a new plate. Oh and wait.... my student found a rather large ant in his ice-lemon tea drink. We also sent this back with the waiter apologizing profusely. And all bad things must come in threes.... My OTHER student found an eyelash on his plate while he was almost finished.

Wow. I am not a fussy eater but I imagine some people just cannot tolerate these abuses. I remembered being a health-inspector during my practical - and I personally closed several eating shops MERCILESSLY because of their bad hygiene (and maybe I was a brutal bugger). Well, it's something to remember and as a cutting repartee before departing to the cashier - "You guys must have some hairfall disease in the kitchen to serve us such delicacy. Don't do this again. Some people can use this to sue you."

Hope you guys have a swell weekend - free of any hair in your meals.

The 'hairy' meal finished. See? Waste not, want not.

The Adventures of Kiki and Pandy 1

"Oi, me don like teh name u gave. It got 'Demon' in teh middle," Pandemonium told me as I was filling his food dish.

"But I like that name. A very macho name for a very manly ferret."

"Sheesh youse guys. Nobody in this age is named Pandemonium. It is a name for a place in Hell," Kiki the educated cat yawned behind me. She and Pandy shared kibbles and she hates it.

"See! See! Me don wanna go to hell! Gimme a new name," my ferret nosed the expensive kibble I poured for him.

"Okay. We'll see what I can think of.... would you like your old name back? Lawrence?"

"OH PLEAZEEEEEEEE! Me sound like a sissy civet with a name like that."

"I think I am going to throw up a hairball hearing all this machismo," Kiki left the room.

                                                  Kiki playing dead and bored under the couch.

Oops!

I broke Pandemonium's water bottle as I was moving his cage out for cleaning this afternoon.

And my ferret said,"Why did you do that for?" (so CUTE!!!!)

Sorry sorry sorry 10 000 times. And I stole my cat, Kiki's food and water dispenser and put it into Pandy's cage.

"Hoi! That's MINE!!!" Kiki screamed and hissed her displeasure.

Ok ok, don't lose your fur yet. So I grudgingly took out the big brand new water and food dispenser (I saved for my new house) and put the gadget inside Kiki's cage.

All the while....

"Ooooo... lookie! I have a small swimming pool!" said Pandy, who never had a water dish before.

If he snorkels in there tonight, I'll buy him a proper water bottle tomorrow...

I've Got Nothing Against Him But...

Make games | Share | Play free online games | User Generated Games @ Pictogame

.... so bloody FUNNIEE!!!! Ha ha ha.

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p.s. - only can be appreciated by LotR fans. :)

Teacher Gandalf

p.s. - This joke can only be appreciated by the LotR fans. :)