Shape Your Own Future 'Cause I Don't Even Care

Sometimes, all these years, I encountered a few students I just hate to see in class. These are the students who ALWAYS refuse to do what they are told. Students who dressed not according to school regulation. Students with high opinion of themselves (a.k.a. deluded). And the bane of them all - STUPID AND RUDE. (I can tolerate stupid students, but the combination of these qualities always make my hands itch to rip their hearts out).

So whenever I teach, I will always refuse to have eye contact with these sub-humans. Oh bo hoo hoo, you had a tough life at home and you came from a broken family... But that does not give you the right to make people's life difficult. There is no reason for you to bother other students who are really interested to learn. You ignored every piece of advice and you expect me to respect you?! Which confused universe you came from that provides special help to a thankless piece-of-turd like you?

I am writing this, a voice of a million teachers / educators around the planet who had the pleasure to meet such individuals.

I shall never pray for your success. I don't even want your thanks. I have the other 98-99% students who really need my help. I am human after all.

And for those who think that this is a very unprofessional entry by a teacher, please give me some advice to deal with these unsavory youngsters (who would never listen to you, and also treated you like dirt).

p.s. - very bad day with bad bad bad students. And yes people, I met many teachers in the psychiatric ward when I was posted there in 2000. People can end up mad if the anger was bottled up. Beware my fellow teachers, beware. 

Rest In Peace Rosy

Rosy during a molt a few months ago

My female Chilean Rose Tarantula died yesterday. She was in the middle of a molt, and I do not know what went wrong, but she never finished emerging from her old carapace. :`(

A tarantula spider is a great pet. It never made any noise, and never ask for your attention. You can forget to feed it for almost a month and it still lives (we hope). It prefers to be left alone in her box / container / terrarium etc. Bloody difficult and expensive to get one...

I shall miss you Rosy, you were a wonderful pet (and show piece). And I will not get another arachnid to replace you. :(  [I'll get a snake instead]

p.s. - I took Rosy's body and unceremoniously tossed it into my mom's fish pond in front of the house. The huge catfishs fought each other just to take a bite.    

People Are So Tardy!!!

I am rarely late - and that is one of my very few sterling qualities. I'd scream, shout and even threatened people if they got in my way to an appointment. (My mom and sisters, unfortunately are always treated such, because they took s much time to prepare for a journey, when I am the appointed driver).

Once upon a time, I would be in place 15 minutes, nay, sometimes half an hour early to any engagement. Be it meeting friends, a movie show or just a shopping expedition; if Mr Shadow asked you to be there at 4.00 o'clock, you'd better be there on time (even admirably, earlier) or your status in his eyes will be knocked several pegs downwards. I lost MANY friends like this. So what? A friend who treated someone else's time like trash (and got the gall not apologizing when late) is not a good friend anyway.

But now.... *sigh* I am not that stupid to be SO EARLY, because 90%, I'd end up looking like a fool waiting for latecomers. What happened to punctuality? Like the many meetings in my school, when the appointed time to begin is 2.15 pm, people are still streaming in even after 20 minutes. If the teachers cannot arrive on time, what will happen to the students under them? What's the use of the watches on your wrists? I'd say, take it off and throw it into the nearby drain.

It ate me inside, when my students are late to class at the laboratory. From behind the tinted glass, I saw them moving slowly, joking and playing, deliberately wasting my time (and the government's who paid my salary). I always wonder vehemently; What the FUCK is wrong with youngsters today? They are so unbelievably dense, I told them so many times to be on time, so many times to clean up their class, so many times to behave, so many times, gosh, the list can go on and on.

I was young once, but I was not THAT ignorant. I listened to my betters @ teachers.

Anyway, this entry is not about the extreme stupidity of today's youths. If there is a hell for tardy people, I hope it contains swinging sharp pendulums (to slash people underneath) , huge cogs (to crush appendages with) and sharp watch hands (to poke people's eyes).

p.s. - I am SO punctual I bought many watches (now 13) for my personal use. One day, I'll buy that grandfather clock. Pendulums are so cool!

I Love You Ex-Granny In Law.

For those who know me and followed my blog, you should know already that I divorced my wife at the end of July, this year. I never met her since, but hell, this entry is not about that poisonous bitch.

Her grandmother, my mother-in-law's mother passed away yesterday... She was such a sweet old woman, one of the nicest I ever encountered. The first time I met her, she hugged and wished me to be one of the family forever. And I was genuinely happy to be accepted by the matriarch of the family.

The dear old lady was talkative and supportive. She laughed at my jokes, and always happy to see me around. It pained me greatly not to be able to attend her funeral, nor visit her when she was still alive after the divorce.

I knew she was heartbroken when knowing about the divorce. (I hope the slut of a girl who was once my wife got what she deserves).

I've shed some tears for you, and I hope you are in a better place. You will always be my favourite elder lady... Semoga aman Nenek di sana.

Stressed Out Maxima

.... was thinking of committing suicide today... but I thought of the promises I made and the few people who really love me...

I should clean up my act.

And yes, I have no aspiration to be more than an ordinary teacher.

True Tales; The Unfortunate Boy and Society's Trash

Let me tell you a true story about two friends who also happens to be students of mine...

X (real name cannot be disclosed for secrecy sake) is a shy and quiet boy who rarely expressed an opinion in my Physics class. He is also very clever, but alas, like a smashed mirror, all brilliance but still, a broken item (I will tell you why in a moment).

Y is an extrovert kind of person, who'll bug you everywhere, at anytime of the day. He's not really bright, but he can be quite helpful if he puts his mind into the job.

Both X and Y, in my professional opinion, are not really 'right' in the head, but not in a bad way.

So anyway, one morning, a few days ago, X and Y decided to visit me during the weekend, by bus. My esteemed mother asked me the same morning to buy a notebook computer for my handicapped brother, and gave me a lot of money for the purchase. So I called up the boys and told them to stay put at the bus stand, so I could pick them up to accompany me to the city. This they did.

So the three of us went to a computer store where I bought an Acer notebook computer immediately (because it's not mine and I was a bit annoyed to be woken very early just to do shopping for others). "What you want to do next?" I asked my students because I don't have the afternoon planned.

"Let's go to the movies," they said. I agreed because it's a hobby of mine anyway.

So we drove to the nearest cinema and I bought 3 tickets for the 4.00 pm show (because we missed the 2.00 pm show for 'FarCry'). Then I let the boys roam the mall, as long as they didn't do anything stupid that require my attendance.

I received a call soon after, from an unknown number;

"Is this Mr Ramzu?"

"Yes."

"Where are you?"

"I am somewhere near a cinema?"

"You are going to watch a movie?"

"Maybe. Who is this?"

"I am X's mother."

I will not continue the dialogue , but will tell the gist of it. She is ANNOYED that I brought her son to an INAPPROPRIATE place (cinema/mall). She said I was IRRESPONSIBLE and SELFISH. She said her brilliant son would be scarred for life, being somewhere near places with BAD INFLUENCE. She went on and on and on. I was quiet because 1. My parents never teach me to talk back to older people and 2. She has all the right to be angry for her son and 3. I am not that stupid to start an argument.

And when knowing her son is going out with Y, she commented thus;

"Isn't Y the Trash of Society?" ('Trash of Society' refers to people who contributed zero, useless individuals, e.g. drug addicts, snatch thieves etc). Y is not an excellent boy in study or behavior, yet a mother calling another's child such is completely unacceptable for me.

So, after she hung up, I rounded up her son and Y and immediately started the journey to send them back home, thus abandoning the cinematic activity. X was very adamant about my decision, because he really wanted to watch a movie. He told me that he has NEVER been in an outing with friends (that was his FIRST), and also never been to a cinema (unlike most of his peer, 17 yrs olds). X was never good at expressing his feeling, and after talking to his parent, now I understood why my student behaves oddly. Something is wrong at home.

When I was his age, even younger, my parents would persuade me to go outside and 'get a life'. They even gave me money to go to the cinema or anywhere I like as long as I got back home in the evening. They knew I am bright enough not to be caught in any sticky situation.

So I pity X because from what I witnessed and information from his friends, plus from himself, this unfortunate boy has 'no life' (normal social life). I can predict the outcome in the far future, but I would not be too specific here. Let's say when you fenced a young one, he'll fly away and never return when the opportunity comes. I told X to prepare for this future, but never get into an argument with his parents. Sometimes people do hard things for love.

As for Y, he said he was used to it. I told him to buck up and change his way, or the infamous tittle would be truly his, years to come.

For the first time in my 7 years career as a teacher, a parent had called me IRRESPONSIBLE. I wish I can sit down with this particular woman and tell her that sometimes, an accusation like that can be harmful to people's state of mind.

I will remember this.

The Angriest Day Of My Life (2009)

Anger is a daily emotion occurrence for me. Sometimes I could be constantly angry at things / people, busy plotting evil schemes for revenge, and I'd be blind to the big picture. It's petty, but I think I like to be angry. It drives me (maybe sometimes crazily).

Anyway, last night I was angry enough to commit murder or arson (maybe both). The previous entry poem stated that I was angry with a particular girl (NOT my significant other) and surprise, surprise, it's the same b**ch that stoked my inner fire AGAIN.

You see, she owed me some money and was REALLY REALLY tardy about paying back.

When someone wants to borrow money from you; he'd badgered you, sometimes stuck at you like a limpet to be close. He'd whine, wanting you to pity him, and of course always be in contact (via phone or email) asking when he can expect the help. This is the usual modus operandi and I was barraged such by this ex-girlfriend of mine.

And as a generous sucker, I gave her 70% of the amount she wanted, hoping she'll go away.

And that's what she did.

And when the time arrived for her to pay (two weeks ago), she made herself scarce. She never answered my calls or replied my messages. Every failed attempts to contact her made me angrier than ever. I just HATE people who lied to me.

And then yesterday evening, the BITCH suddenly called and asked me to come to town and get my money. I asked a friend to accompany me (who knows she'd sent hit-men to take care of me, this is a dangerous world after all) and I arrived on the designated place on time.

The girl wasn't there, and I waited half an hour, but she never showed up!

I called her handphone and NATURALLY I was introduced to her voice message. You can imagine my gargantuan anger for being played yet again.

BITCH!!!!!

I felt like driving to her house and slaughter her and her entire family with the hooked knife I have in my dashboard. My friend expressed his horror and asked me to just forget the whole thing and drive back home. He's asking me to just let go of the money.

That's what friends are for. To stop you from doing things you'd extremely regret later.

So I left a message in both her voicemail and sms. "I'd gut you like a fish if I ever see your face ever again. Your words are worth shit and you will die screaming, if you continue doing this to the wrong people. You are mud under my feet. Rot in hell."

After that, I do feel better. Cursing people is a special branch of talent for teachers who embraced the Dark Side of the Force.

The Hatchet Inside Your Head

I wish to bury

this heavy hatchet inside your pretty head

because of the lies

you've thrown my way

When your head cleaves

blood spurts merrily a fountain

I'll remember the many times you fail to reply

the messages I sent to you

In those dead eyes

empty of your petty emotion

you'd wonder why you want to play

with the fiery elemental that is me

I'd spit onto your prone body

if I can

but then.... FINALLY you replied a message, telling me what I wanna hear

Stupid bitch! This is our LAST business deal together.

Or the hatchet will find its target for real.

(prose is dully stopped when the sms arrived, sorry guys)

p.s. - In a very dark mood because a transaction deal turns sour. Among the reason why I cannot do well in business. It's the mafia boss in me, very impatient. And have zero tolerance for swindling people.

Life Is A Struggle For Some People

I was compelled to type this post after reading TechnoBabe's recent entry. Something happened this afternoon, and I'd like to share with the few of you.

I have a new Form 4 student who arrived last month from a school further away. He was quiet and I must confess I never spoke a word directly to him (because I always teach in general). Then he began to miss school for many times a week, and as a curious person, I asked about his wellbeing from the classmates.

His friends told me that after school he worked at a local restaurant till very late. As a very liberal person, I just wished him luck quietly and continued teaching the rest of the brood. I thought that maybe some students are just happier working for money than study. It's a common trait.

Yet this afternoon, my colleague who teaches Chemistry informed me about the plight of this particular student of mine during my class at the lab. He told me that this student comes from a very poor family and his father had just recently had one of his feet cut off because of some disease. So the family almost barely make ends meet, thus my student had to work extra hard until late at night to support his family. Life is now a struggle for him.

If the family receive no help, he might drop out of school.

Pity.

This is the thing I always preach to my students. Life is not always sweet and beautiful. When the storm comes and hit you badly, be prepared to crawl on your knees and hands to continue. But believe it or not, when I told his case to my waiting students after the conversation with my colleague, a few students said that their life are GUARANTEED to be well.

And I solemnly cursed them aloud - mostly wishing death and destruction to their family and property. I really did.

Without Regret, Well Really!

Yesterday I did something that you people who know me real well would say; "We don't believe you one bit!" Even a few friends who visited during yesterday Independence Day said they cannot trust me when I broached the subject.

You see, I am abandoning my PlayStation 3 gaming life for good. (but may play other games on my notebook computer, of course).

The PlayStation series was a part of my life for more than a decade. I bought my PS1, and later PS2 from the same dealer and our (me and PS) relationship was closer than a sex-crazed couple. I spent hundreds of hours on many games, and if I estimated correctly, one fifth of my day is exclusively for gaming.

Then the paragon of all consoles arrived... the PS3. I bought mine a few months after the launching in Singapore (because Sony didn't launch it here, piracy problem). Mine was one of the very first few in the whole state of Malacca. The price of the games was astronomic (because PS3 can only read original dvds) but for the love of gaming, everything is a-ok.

We spent two solid years of happiness together, a lot of money went to buy the expensive games. Until one morning a few days ago...

I pulled of the cables and put the console away. I was not even tempted to play anymore. Suddenly the urge for gaming died, like the last embers extinguished by a cold glass of water. I felt nothing, not empty, just nothing. And last night I did the second step for the culling. I put out an advert to sell ALL of my games. See it here. A lot of people are interested to buy because my price is even lower than the rest of the sellers.

I am not making a lot of money though, I may lost around 50% of my cost, and that would be in the thousands of ringgit. Never mind.

Now say you believe me.

Musings Near Midnight

I always consider myself to be a morbid and heartless person. So I can imagine killing people I hate in real life and not feeling bad about it later. I don't believe in the crap that murdering can tarnish your soul. Or something even more foolish; Killing can tear the soul into two (from the Harry Potter series).

But this post is not about ending lives (before the rest of you run screaming to the nearest police stations). This is only a self study of me by my ownself. If I was born during the Middle Ages, I never see myself as a great king of people. I'd rather be someone behind the throne, preferably a Duke's or even a lowly baron's. [Working for royalty can be hazardous for the health, and the lowly nobles do appreciate their people better because they cannot spare any].

And what shall I do around the place? Of course I am the bloody executioner! Oh and the Inquisitor too! Two very unpopular jobs in any castle, any country, any century. [Thus they wore masks to avoid being recognized. It's very hard to go to the local market for a plum bun when everybody ran away from you].

Bah, I am rambling... lack of fresh air in this humid room.

Eh, come to think of it... Lawyers and tax gatherers are more hated by the people. Urm.

Anyway, back to chopping heads and torturing people. I think death by hanging is SO BORING. But people like to watch a bit of some hemp fandango of the dying man. I think as there was no tv back then, a hanging must be prime entertainment for the peasants. Beheading is much more interesting. We can lay bets on how far the fountain of blood goes. :)

Cutting people's body parts off bit by bit is somewhat I learn from the many mafia movies I watch. It will do you wonders having your own fingers in your shirt pocket WITHOUT the hands in it. I can always make people sing like a canary (if I can get away with the process).

I think the iron maiden is so cool. The torture device, not the girl, ok?

Wha? wha? Who wrote this??!! (in mock horror!!) I swear I didn't type this at all.

PlayStation and Purple Ink

I've been sinking in my own mire of misery since my PlayStation 3 console was sent to the shops for repair. Life is INDEED a bit dull when you don't have your daily dosage of mass killing and level upgrades. So I have returned to my old flame, who I left years ago - computer games. Yep, click click clicking the mouse - building whole nations from the ground up or murdering peasants - whiling the time away. (I am currently playing Dungeon Keeper, the first ever computer game I bought with my own money [1997]. And Simcity 4, when I feel like being a nation father-founder.)

These are not new games, but they suit my notebook computer, which is not really powerful in the first place. I am a gamer with simple taste.

Anyway I woke up yesterday evening panicking when receiving a message from my mobile phone service provider, distrupting my line - I failed to pay the bill for two months. Ok ok my fault. So away I flew to the city and paid the damn overdued thing.

Thirty kilometres of driving just to pay your mobile phone bill... Well, it keeps life interesting for me when we are spontaneous. And as I was there in the city, window shopping was imminent. Wanna buy some 'Transformers 2' merchandise and toys but I was VERY DISGUSTED with the lack of specific target spectrum. Where's the stuff for EVIL boys and girls!!! We hate Optimus and Bumblebee!!! We wanna see MORE BAD ASS DECEPTICONS!!! Not Fair!!!

I left the toy section without buying anything and visited the stationery department, because I like to look at fountain pens. :)

And hey!! They got PURPLE INK!!!! (Violet really) That really made my day. Been looking for an inkwell full of purple ink for ages. Cannot wait to write my teaching reports in purple. He he he.

F**k with a CAPITAL 'F'

I am so sorry for being so obscene... usually I am a mellow kind of guy, not really excited about many things. But, but... aiyah, so bloody irritated just now.

My Playstation 3, yes, the ray of light in my dreary life had a problem. It wouldn't read discs anymore. I was calm and didn't panic at first and tried over and over again inserting some game discs into the machine. Time passed and I was getting angry, not at the console, but with myself, thinking of some unseen purpose of this problem.

And like all good computers, the PS3 have that terminal option, 'Restore to default' setting. As I clicked on the buttons, I knew I'm sending all my previous victories in battles to oblivion. The hundred hours of gameplay evaporated. The many many game trophies deleted. The promises of meeting old friends (game characters) is now nil. My gaming life is now a clean slate. Yes, this is a MAJOR f**k up in my life, even eclipsing my divorce two days ago.

At least my PS3 was always there for me and made me happy. *sniff*

And you know what? It did the trick. Now my play console can accept the dvds, although much slower on the auto-play. I will consult my game dealer (the girl who sold me the most PS3 games ever) about the problem, and my beloved might be set on the operating table. *sniff*

Oh well, I'll be off to buy the 'Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince' tickets tomorrow for the Saturday evening show. I've read the book and I think the series are awesome.

Transformers 2 Sucks and My Ferret In Danger

Blackout @ Incinerator (WE LOVE YOU!)

I spit on Michael bay and his cohorts! Who made the script for 'Revenge of the Fallen'? Megatron is the ultimate ruler of the Decepticons and there is no one above him. Yet in the f**king movie, he BOWED to another robot. This is a very huge WTF moment in my life!!

And what's the deal about high-lighting Optimus Prime and Bumblebee only? What happened to characters development? Two and a half hours of sheer bam-bam-boom-arghhh-Optimus-is-dead-and-he-lives-again-and-the-world-is-saved-yet-again-by-Autobots. I call this unfair. The Decepticons were like a gazillion of them against a few rabble of soldiers and Autobots - and they LOST?! Remember the opening scene of Transformers 1? Blackout, the deliciously evil Decepticon helicopter single handedly devastated an ENTIRE army base!! So what the hell happened in the 2nd movie when he died just like a crushed snail?!!

Disappointed is only a mild description of how I felt.

And I was a fool to take my ferret out on an extended walk ('walkies' as Kaos would say it) to 7-11 this evening for ice-cream. People gawked and pointed at US!! Four people I never knew stopped me to ask what animal I am carrying and another two strangers on motorcycles followed me back home! I felt greatly molested! (Kaos was having a ball because he got to taste ice-cream for the first time). And now I have nightmares about my ferret being kidnapped by interested parties. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

On a lighter note, three persons called and expressed their love for me today (not the sexual kind please, just simple adoration). This made my day. :)

Of Education and Beer...

I am in the library right now, watching some 30 odd students 'reading' books in front of me. 'Reading' is a strong word, to be precise, most of them are just browsing through the books, with the pages meaningless in their own faces, mainly talking and joking among themselves.

If these children are the future of the country... our future is really bleak indeed. Who are we going to blame next? (If you dare to say blame the teachers, I'd break your neck if you are near me).

Students (brilliant and stupid alike) are really good actors. When at home, they are every parent's dream-child, obeying every whim and holding on every word. 

"Nothing is wrong with my child, he's a real angel." Words so commonly heard by teachers, especially from parents of troubled students in school.

It's human nature. We do change our behavior out of the monitoring eyes of beloved parents. So teachers witnessed the true colours of all children under them; because we are actually considered as 'outsiders'. And when back at home, they don back their angelic masks and pretend everything is right as rain.

Oh I can rant on and on about this... but most of you might say, what the hell? They are only children. Then wait for your own children to materialize, and then join the blind and mute. Don't believe what your children's teachers said. They just love saying bad things about your angelic son and daughter because they got nothing better to do.

Anyway, I met a younger friend of mine in town and we went for supper last night. He expressed that he was in trouble because he got no job and to make matter worse, his bad qualifications hindered his opportunity. I told him;

"Now you regretted your fun-filled schooling days right? I bet you feel bad about skipping class. I know you wish to turn back time.... ya da ya da yada. But really, it is too late for all that."

Most people will never learn until bad things happen.

And he bought a can of beer at a convenience store (I had soy milk, ok!). I was really surprised but never made myself heard (because I believe in freedom of choice). So young, chain-smoking and now a drunk. I did many bad things in life, but I never take alcohol - because I am a classy kind of bad person.

I like to watch people shrivel and die in front of me. Especially if they do it onto themselves. Advice can be dispensed upon asking. It's a free country after all.

    

I Hate Camping!!

I was forced to join a camping programme. I hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it!!

My late father was a Royal Scout, and met my mother (also a Scout Leader) during a Scouts Jamboree a long time ago. They have 5 children who also LOVES the outdoors except the eldest, ME. I hate it!

I'd pay good money to anyone who would replace me. But unfortunately, everybody hates camping too.

Depression Numero Uno

For the 1st time this year, I am seriously depressed. I can tolerate pressure and the disdain of others quite well, but when I cannot avoid something I hate hate hate hate hate, its depression time. If I can kill several people to avoid this, I would do it in a blink.

Some people just cannot have no for an answer. So they merrily plow through people's life like a titanic bulldozer, distrupting life and plans. They say you must do this and that, and would question your excuses to find fault, so you have to follow their god-awful plans because it-is-for-your-own-good. I think these creatures in human forms should take a serious check in their head, or I'll be happy to do it - with a scalpel (and a spade for afters). 

By the way, I was not talking about my boss or my mum.